I am officially behind schedule on my project – and I hate being late! Maybe if I weren’t so darn good at procrastinating…

I’ve taken a break from my obligations to … rearrange my room! I bought a 19" monitor for 20 bucks today (a great deal) and so I had to completely rearrange my room so that I can use it. I’ve made myself a little office in the corner and so far I like it. No need to mention the disaster outside the office … ;P

I have looked at this book on my shelf so many times that I have lost count. Finally, tonight, I pick it up, with the intention to learn and to enjoy. My homework is not yet finished but I have spent four grueling hours coming up with tiny bits of information. Admittedly, I am closer – making each minute worth it. Tomorrow at work I need to ensure that my daemon can correctly handle distributed operations – I am aware of several bugs and expect many to come. ;P Oh, and Eriko killed somebody – in her dream.

A book by Mr. Gates which I have not read – but that is not the topic here. In the coming week I have a project I need to finish at work, along with two homework assignments and an exam to begin studying for. Eriko has communicated to me that she is feels more light in life; I am glad that by speaking our minds we have improved both of our conditions. Honesty and communication – how about that?!

I believe what has occurred recently has been the bursting of the romantic bubble that I have been encased in. I realized what I was feeling, I realized that I was hurt and upset, and I had the courage to act on it. I had to tell Eriko that I was considering leaving her, and why. In some ways I felt as if I could be pushing her away, but I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t upset. My friends have given me good advice – and bad advice. Somehow it seems I have been lucky enough to take the best from each. Eriko understood me, knowing that I grow sick with worry. We want to be together, we want to grow to love each other. I think this is a real step forward.

i realize that i become convinced that you are thinking or feeling some way when it may not be true at all – maybe i am so impatient and demanding that it is easier for me to believe what my head is telling me than to wait for you to give me an answer.

i don’t want to leave you. i want to learn to love you. not just the paltry quick love-at-first-sight but true, deep, meaningful love. i don’t know how to do it, though. i’m clueless, actually. but i figure the best way to start is to be as honest with you that i can be.