i had a great visit with them last night and i was able to tell them that Eriko is coming to visit! i miss them very much. Eriko also told me that her mother had bought some gifts for the family. i’m excited. =)

Well, I’m not as excellent as I hoped to be; I’ve got work to do. I received a 3.7 in my Algorithms class after a dismal 82 points in the final exam. Shucks.

I didn’t get nearly as much accomplished at work as I would have liked; I simply lacked motivation and concentration. sigh This project has me bogged down in minutia. But tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! ;P

What a chore! Is it my age? My upbringing? My environment? Circumstance? For wwhatever reason, I feel impatient these days and I seem more likely to make mistakes. Have I always been impatient? Probably so. As my buddy Susie says, I’m just lazy and spoiled. Is this part of my nature, or do I have the capacity to change it? For instance, I want email from Eriko! Alas, several days have passed. I don’t get impatient if it takes my sister months to email me so why do I expect something different from Eriko? Silly me and my expectations – simply causing trouble!

My dad told me that it is normal to have doubts; I would take it one step farther and say that it is good to have doubts – without them I don’t get any participation from my head. All too often I lead with my heart, but as my dad also told me, the feeling of love comes and goes – without my head I have no backup for my heart. So doubt away… what doesn’t kill this thing with Eriko will make it stronger. ;P Oh yeah, today will be spent working.. laaammmmeee. =)

I will write. I am wondering about Eriko; but more in particular, I am wondering about me. Sometimes I wonder if I just have a Japanese fetish – surely I have this image in my mind, built up through years of curiosity and mystique. What would possess me to ask a woman to marry me when we hardly know each other? Because I am in love with an image and a picture it was very easy to slide that mold around her. But I don’t know who she is, I don’t know what she is capable of. She knows nothing of me either. Yet she accepted my offer as willingly as I offered it; is she in love with an image for me too? Are we simply dolls in each oother’s minds? I’m grateful for these thoughts and feelings, even if they are distracting – I will know myself, come hell or high-water.