So I realized today that I don’t hate my job; I have simply been pushing the threshold on burning out. I made some pretty big mistakes, many due to my false assumptions about what my co-workers would do for me and what I was expected to do. I realized that the most important goal I have is to make sure that I’m doing well on a day to day basis – of course, I know this, but can’t seem to remember it. My boss approved my request for an additiona week off, so I can go see my good buddy Miyamuktuk get married. Who would have thought. I can remember like yesterday the days of Patrick, Yuji, Brandon, Bird. I still see Brian often, or at least often enough to know what he’s up too, how h. Every one else is pretty much a mystery. My friendship with Yuji will probably never be repaired; he’s prideful and I’m impatient. Patrick is probably off spreading his seed in foriegn lands.. God only knows how many children he has now. Brandon and Bird? Probably roommates. No need to talk about who is on top. I watched a comedy with Margaret Cho tonight, by David’s invitation. Gotta put the TV to some use. It was good stuff. 3 more weeks until I see Eriko.

I have tried to refrain from writing in my diary on a whim, but rather to do it habitually at the same time everyday, etc, as my budyd David suggested. Unfortunately, I’m just not there yet. ;P He’s getting married, BTW, and once the ring goes on his finger I will have officially won a $50 bet that I placed with my dad as a teenager. We didn’t bet on the duration of the marriage, but I am hoping it can stand the test of time. Anyway, I am seriously starting to contemplating “switching canoes,” as my dad calls it. Otherwise known as : a career change. I’m not getting what I could be/should be out of this development work. Programming is enjoyable but it is enjoyable for me as a hobby. I want to be a professor.

Sometimes I think – if only I could do this over, or give me a chance to do that again, etc. Flawed is the past, confused is the present, perfect is the future. It is interesting, this human experience, and the desire to improve. For ince, if I could do it over, I would not have bought a car until a few years after I graduated from college. Cars are expensive to own, and often sit unused. I especially would not have bought an old car that I would have to maintain, but would rather have bought a brand new car. Anyway. Now that I have done what I have done, I have two cars to maintain. One just needs an oil change, the other needs a lot more. If I ever manage to get away from work…. ;P

My brother complained that I never write to you anymore. I think he is just lazy. He doesn’t have a diary in which I can look up things about his life. I feel that there is unbalanced communications between us. He told me he was going to get a cat, but I don’t know if he did. He told me he was going to work on a new project, but I don’t know if he is.

The thorn remains. It’s removal is a slow and steady process, which is painful n its own right. Somewhere, somehow, it will be removed. Breast stroke today. Innnteresting.

Brian and I went out for dinner tonight and when the meal was finished, the topic of tip came up. He suggested 15%, to which I responded “you are generous for a med student.” Chaos, argument, hurt, discussion and peace followed. He recommended that I learn to be more in the normative. I can be a cheap asshole in some respects, no doubt about it. But I think that I can be very generous when I choose to be – I think that I am a wide variety of things and although I can be pigeon-holed by specific behavior, I don’t think you can do so in general.