Eriko took some time out to email with me a little bit. It was nice. I didn’t bring it up, but she realized that she hasn’t made a lot of time for me lately. That’s OK – I like the fact that I am becoming less dependent on her for my emotional well-being. I’m learning to take her gifts of love, place them next to those of my family, and draw on them when I need them. It is much better than needing attention. I’m just learning, but I’m excited. I’m dissapointed with the speed of my computer. I need to take a hard look at my finances and take a leap and upgrade this puppy. I don’t need the latest and greatest, just something that will do a buildworld in less than 24 hours. ;P I’m beginning to play with WebWare; we use it at work. I am trying to find a platform for my financial application. I will also evaluate Alex’s library.

i got a short, sweet note from Eriko and i feel as if i’m recharged. i feel as if i could go weeks without talking to her without any worrying. i feel very energized in general. i need to work more diligently on my short term goals: excercise my body, my mind, and my heart. i want to be swimming more, i want to put more time into reading and learning, and i want to pay closer attention to my desires.

All I want is some Internet access at home, yet I have none. I have been struggling with this installation process for comcast for two days now. If I don't get it working by the end of this weekend I'm cancelling and I'll have to either find another option or do without Internet access at home. Actually, I don't know if I can realistically consider the last option. It would be nice, for the break and the freedom from information overload, but I have to remain responsible to my servers and not being able to check on their condition or perform remote maintenance (without trudging into work) worries me. I wouldn't know if something went wrong. I will get Comcast working.

You’re ruining my children’s future.

its still disorganized and messy and i’m still in a state of being alone shock but i can feel myself enjoying it more and more. Bailey woke me up before 5 AM again this morning, although she didn’t venture very far outside. this time i stayed up and made myself breakfast, took a shower, washed dishes. i arrived at work quite early, before 7. which is good because i’ve pumped out fixes for 3 bugs so far – leaving me with two assigned bugs remaining, both samba, which i am looking forward to. i don’t doubt that i will receive more alerts related bugs before too long but i’m happy to take an aggressive attitude towards keeping my plate clean. i’m not hearing much from Eriko and I find myself anxious after writing her, awaiting her reply. i don’t like that feeling and realize that i need to turn my demanding energy inside. actually, it is already inside, i need to direct it to productive use instead of having it remain pent up. i think i can do this, i have a very strong desire to do some computing projects and drill for the GRE.

about 4:45 this morning, I awoke to Bailey muttering to herself (and to me, imagine). finally assuming she wanted to go outside, i opened the door. i saw her go to the right and come back in a little later. i shut the door but she wasn’t satisfied and this probably repeated several times. so, i put on a shirt so as not to freeze completely and decided to show her the way. i would walk about 5 feet and whistle and she would come towards me, reluctantly. showing her the stairs was fun, she kept trying to squeeze her way into the little gaps. i can’t imagine the revelation she felt when she started to explore. she only explored for 10 or 15 minutes before i started whistling for her to come back (i was cold) and wanted to make sure she would get the experience of coming back to the apartment. she made a couple of wrong motions towards other people’s apartments but since i was moving behind her she didn’t stop until we got to the door. all and all it was an amazing moment.