i have to admit that i get frustrated by the amount of communication between me and Eriko. it doesn’t feel natural. i feel like i hold back and i don’t really care for that. additionally, Eriko told me that she wanted to chase me, but i don’t see it happening. i have the urge to withdrawal but i don’t know what that means or where it will lead. i’m not happy with myself and it became very obvious last night. as i clean up, change, and improve – will Eriko be a casualty, as i was to Sara? i don’t know. the ironic thing is that i used to fantasize that Eriko and i would lose touch and then be reunited. i’m sure a lot of that comes from my parent’s story, but it is interesting. i suppose the distance between us serves as a constant separator/reunitor. fascinating.