one other thought… i now believe that when Sara told me she wanted to date other people, she may have been trying to to get me to chase her… however, i saw it as my chance to exit, since i had no desire to chase her further…. as i withdrawal from Eriko, if she is indeed the woman for me, then she will feel the desire to chase.only time will tell on such things as this. the neat thing about life, from my point of view, is that it becomes more of what i wish it to be as time passess… hence, live gets better with age – like wine.

i have to withdrawal – because than she can chase me. the winds of change are blowing and there is a sweeet smell. wait – that could be dinner..

i have to admit that i get frustrated by the amount of communication between me and Eriko. it doesn’t feel natural. i feel like i hold back and i don’t really care for that. additionally, Eriko told me that she wanted to chase me, but i don’t see it happening. i have the urge to withdrawal but i don’t know what that means or where it will lead. i’m not happy with myself and it became very obvious last night. as i clean up, change, and improve – will Eriko be a casualty, as i was to Sara? i don’t know. the ironic thing is that i used to fantasize that Eriko and i would lose touch and then be reunited. i’m sure a lot of that comes from my parent’s story, but it is interesting. i suppose the distance between us serves as a constant separator/reunitor. fascinating.

My math score went down – from 740 to 720.

I just want to note that I have some really awesome friends. When I examine the quality of family and friends in my life I am humbled.

I am as prepared as I can be at this juncture. I doubt that I drilled as much as I could have, nor as much as I should have; however, I am not going to force this on myself. I am slowly realizing my love for mathematics and if this is going to be the long-lasting relationship I desire then I need to take it slow and allow time for mathematics to love me too. I’m going to meet my buddy Art for lunch in about a half an hour. Art has been real kind to me, throwing business my way when appropriate and always believing that I can deliver him the quality of service I want too. He has a big heart. The dreams and schemes for the ultimate workstation/desk setup continue to flow in my head. I want to switch to a vertical keyboard so as to minimize the strain on my wrists. Aaron suggested that I build my own desk instead of buying one and I will indeed consider it; at the very least I will do a rough comparison of prices – I had originally intended to buy a table from Costco for around $50.