duh – i realized that Eriko is testing me: my limits, my patience, my reactions. hah! no study is necessary for this test because i can only do my best. ;P i am testing her too, although my emotions easily cloud my viewpoint making it difficult for me to see what the questions are…. ;P

one other thought… i now believe that when Sara told me she wanted to date other people, she may have been trying to to get me to chase her… however, i saw it as my chance to exit, since i had no desire to chase her further…. as i withdrawal from Eriko, if she is indeed the woman for me, then she will feel the desire to chase.only time will tell on such things as this. the neat thing about life, from my point of view, is that it becomes more of what i wish it to be as time passess… hence, live gets better with age – like wine.

i have to withdrawal – because than she can chase me. the winds of change are blowing and there is a sweeet smell. wait – that could be dinner..

i have to admit that i get frustrated by the amount of communication between me and Eriko. it doesn’t feel natural. i feel like i hold back and i don’t really care for that. additionally, Eriko told me that she wanted to chase me, but i don’t see it happening. i have the urge to withdrawal but i don’t know what that means or where it will lead. i’m not happy with myself and it became very obvious last night. as i clean up, change, and improve – will Eriko be a casualty, as i was to Sara? i don’t know. the ironic thing is that i used to fantasize that Eriko and i would lose touch and then be reunited. i’m sure a lot of that comes from my parent’s story, but it is interesting. i suppose the distance between us serves as a constant separator/reunitor. fascinating.

My math score went down – from 740 to 720.

I just want to note that I have some really awesome friends. When I examine the quality of family and friends in my life I am humbled.