here are the lyrics from a country song i’m listening too: we’re tied to our memories, they won’t let us stray. we’re not going to lose ones we made yesterday. we look to our future and we make all our plans as if we control what is out of our hands. the world keeps on turning, i’m learning to see. right where i am is where i have to be. you can’t count the pages, all ages hear the call – no matter how hard we try, life gets away from us all. we start getting older the moment we live; look over your shoulder there is hind sight to give. on good days and bad days the sun is going to rise, so why look beyond what is in front of your eyes?

perhaps my original thoughts about how Eriko was feeling were more correct; she wanted me to guess which of my friends she didn’t like and I guessed Tae and David – bam, nail on the head. the truth is, i’m comfortable with her not liking some of my friends. it is actually a great thing, although i cannot explain why i think so. despite the multitude of my bitches, i am very grateful that Eriko and I are apart from each other. we have this unique opportunity to grow independently and learn about each other as we choose to. and something clicked in me; i don’t know when but i was doing a statistical analysis of my email (yeah, i’m a nerd) and i realized that i am actually quite comfortable with the level of communication between Eriko and I. there will be puh-lenty of time for us to be around each other all the time, etc. funny how such realizations occur.

my critical analysis of loved ones and myself has led me to believe that i am a little down. i think i have a tendency to try and figure out who or what in my life is causing my discomfort when in reality that discomfort is coming from inside. indeed.

i have had lingering flashes of thought in my tiny little head for several years now; i have mentioned this in passing to several friends and i have no idea why i still have flashes of this memory – i played doctor with the boy across the street (older than me) and the girl across the street (younger). i just had another thought that i don’t think i’ve had before – which was about that girl… i had never been reminded of what happened with her and although my role was passive i have to wonder if she is plagued by strange memories (of violation?) as i am. i can’t honestly say that i feel remorse at this point but now that i have traced this feeling further i hope that i am on the right path. i had no idea you were such an inspirational conversation partner, diary.

I told Eriko that Sara had made contact with me, but she didn’t care. Then I told her that Susie was visiting and I didn’t care for some of her friends. Her reaction to this was to tell me that she didn’t care for some of my friends. I found the transition strange and thought maybe she was defending Susie. After speaking with Dave, however, he believes that Eriko is threatened by Susie. This would make the transition smoother… Although I definitely have considered it, I don’t think that Susie is a threat to Eriko. There are many things about Susie that make her a great friend but so many of those things make her (to me) very unattractive for a mate. Anyway, I am supposed to be withdrawaling, not thinking about how to assuage Eriko’s fears. Besides, work is calling.