it took me a long time to realize it, but i’ve been pretty selfish the last few months. if i spent as much time thinking about math as i do about Eriko, i’d be a math genius.

i’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed for the last several months. in particular, when i think of the upcoming wedding and the changes which will follow. i’ve been trying to anticipate the changes, or worrying about the inevitable ups and downs, but neither has made me very comfortable. at the same time, i’ve noticed a loneliness within myself become more apparent. initially, my reaction and thoughts were to blame the interaction between Eriko and I, which is strange in its own right. however, i realized this morning that my loneliness is more fundamental than that. i want her near me. i want to build the bonds that only time together can do. i have often wondered about this concept of marriage. how foreign it is in the moment, to make a decision which joins two souls, without a complete or even clear understanding of the path or results. this decision, this desire… it is part of who i am, part of my character, intrinsic to my being. i need to bond myself. this is the realization and understanding i have been searching for.

• buy a macintosh laptop
• upgrade (and move) the servers
• use the servers for storage
• reduce in-house computing to firewall and possible local storage cache

yesterday, I:

• met some old co-workers/friends for breakfast
• cleaned house
• transferred Sun Tzu's Art of War (audio book) to MD
• installed a new Mazda battery in the Miata
• went grocery shopping
• installed a florescent light above the kitchen sink (after measuring and drilling)
• practiced Kanji
• started internationalizing the diary/journal/blog application for Eriko
• re-watched a movie, Playing God
• cooked some pork
• sat very still, with Bailey sleeping peacfully on my lap

to harness all of my talents to improve my life. i currently misuse some virtues and incorrectly consider others vices. i think with sufficent effort, i can put this puzzle together…

i’ve prepared a binder full of immigration information, with 34 pages… and i don’t know if it is good enough. ;) i’ll be attempting to contact a lawyer ttomorrow…