i finally called Eriko on the phone, and that was good. i’m not sure why it is so difficult for me – part of it is waking up at 4:30, walking to work in the cold, and straining to hear across a poor connection. another aspect is that i have to come out of my ‘I-first’ view of the world. soon, it won’t just be me, it will be us. afraid of losing control, i am. the irony, of course, is that i’ve never had control.

- woke up about 6:30. i'd like to start swimming at Queen Anne pool, but i'm not
  there mentally yet. i decided i'll concentrate first on just waking up
  earlier, and once that becomes routine i can start swimming.
- ate a big breakfast. my plan is to stuff myself in the morning and then just
  eat little bits throughout the rest of the day. the social implications will
  be most difficult, as i won't be really eating lunch or going out for dinner.
- made it into work by about 8. i'd like to stick to an 8-5 schedule, if
  possible, because it gives me time in the evenings to do things. plus, if i'm
  on a schedule then i have a fixed time for working and it should encourage me
  to work smarter, not longer.
- left work about 5. the day went by fast, which is great. 
- arrived at UW about 6. i'm still driving to class because i don't like the
  idea of taking a long time to get home (on the bus) afterwards and i haven't
  started riding my bike again. the weather seems decent enough, albiet cold,
  to ride.
- arrived home about 10. Rob and I stayed after class and talked to the prof
  a bit, because we had questions about our upcoming project. i then bustled
  around the house trying to finish some chores (including Japanese homework)
  and still make it to bed quickly, since i knew i had to wake up quite early
  in order to do some early morning server maintenance.
- went to bed shortly after 11. i fell asleep pretty quickly, although Bailey
  decided to give me some unexpected attention.

in no particular order, they are:

1. be a better student (both Japanese and UW included here)
2. be a better employee (work smarter, not harder)
3. learn more (mathematics, kernel development)
4. be healthy (better food, more exercise)
5. plan long-term (fiscally responsible, more cool demeanor)
6. focus short-term (discipline, follow-through, and concentration)
7. be a good husband (and fiance)

i haven’t had much to contribute to the diary recently. life seems to be relatively routine, with the days and weeks going by quickly. i do see myself growing, albeit more slowly than i desire. i find myself growing more comfortable with the place i’m in compare to where i want to be. above all, i feel like i’m moving the right direction. i might only be crawling now, but i’d rather be crawling in the right direction than warping in the wrong.

i need a longer-term view of learning. i find that i am often unable to keep learning due to my inablility to quickly master the material. obviously, that just isn’t feasible. patience and progress can go hand and hand…

test meal