My only wish for us is that we can learn to love each other; we can learn
to live our dreams together; that we can grow old knowing that we have
found a partner in life.

I have given it considerable thought and I won't pay your loan.

I apologize; I have led you on; it was not my intention.

I am sure it is obvious to you that I want to give you all that I have,
all that I am. As romanticly as I view the world, however, I have no
choice but to realize that it takes time for two people to grow to the
level of trust and understanding that your parents have; that my parents
have. You and I are not ready to accept and share all that we are with
each other. But I think, I hope, and I believe that we can grow to that
place. It is my wish.

It has never been my desire to rush you. Even now, I feel a strong sense
of patience and gratitude towards you. I am happy to wait for you. You
help me to find courage and inspiration within myself.

I have lived my life taking the shortcut and I have paid for it dearly. I
don't wish to drag us down the same road.

You are wise in your desire to take your time. I welcome the opportunity
to grow, learn, and love with you.

Your Nick

I told Eriko that I needed her to meet my family. I don’t know how she’ll take it, I really don’t enjoy asking her to do things. I had to be honest, however, I need to feel as if this relationship is going somewhere – and her meeting my family is the solution to that.

i can’t concentrate on work, i can’t figure out my homework

my body wants to do nothing but drink water

my mind wants to do nothing but figure you out

i’m scared; i’m alone

i don’t know if you need me or my money

i know that doubt is part of everything; i feel it now

it tears me up; it kills my motivation; it destroys my confidence

it isn’t your fault; nothing is; this is my doubt, my worry

a woman who will leave behind all she knows to begin an adventure with me a woman who understands that a little appreciation goes a long way a woman who realizes that appreciation is never habitual but heartful a woman who knows how to break me and never does a woman who treats my love as a limited and valuable resource a woman who lets me love her a woman who learns to love me

Sweeeeet, I got another 100. All this means is that I’ve got to keep it up! It was a little difficult to concentrate on dynamic & linear programming tonight, however, as I was thinking of Eriko. I am a little frustrated that she hasn’t met my family yet. That seems to be a very crucial step along the road for us to get married. What is confusing is that she is willing to allow me to pay off her loan, but she doesn’t seem to let me buy her a ticket. She may be willing, but she isn’t putting forth the effort to research or reserve the ticket – which I guess is where my real angst lies. Anyway, I thought about it and decided that it is incorrect for me to push her; if she doesn’t want to visit I’ll just deal with it.

Life is about learning of yourself; today is one of those confusing days for me. I’m upset and overwhelmed. Work and school are pressures and they can be pretty frustrating, but I seem to be able to stay calm and ride out the storm. My heart, however, is another matter. Paying off Eriko’s loan is a strange thing – but mainly it seems like I am setting myself up for hardship. My naive and trusting heart wants to believe that because we told each other we wanted something, we will both live up to those desires; but my brain is too experienced to let me get away with it. I have been down this road before. I didn’t like what I saw. I keep hoping I can find this woman who can appreciate me in such a way – a way I can’t even describe. Bailey, for instance. She still scratches me once in a while; she still bites me. But she makes me feel needed and even though she is only a cat and has but the most primitive form of expression, I feel love. Perhaps I am naturally scared and jaded! from real human interaction; my mother’s love has never been equalled in a woman – and yet I have this romantic, naive view that I will find a woman who will love me more. Am I crazy? Or just stupid?