i realize more and more that i can be a real tough guy to be friends with. as i expand more into my lead role at work, i become more aggressive, demanding, and critical. i catch myself lecturing people around me and so forth. i guess its just hard for me to switch out of boss mode and into peer mode. maybe i just like boss mode. ;P

overall it was pretty smooth, despite some rough edges. a lost control a few times and ran out of material with about an hour left to go. i received some very helpful feedback and it was a great experience. now my extracurricular activities are complete but things are really heating up at work. no rest for the wicked.

i don’t think i’m prepared at all. the last two evenings i decided to cut out all my screenshot work and do the presentation live, which makes me even more scared. i haven’t slept well in a while now… i’ve had either applications dreams, work dreams, or class dreams…

i think i’m jealous. i’m jealous that my little brother doesn’t want to give me that individual attention. i think i’ve probably been jealous for a while but things like a form letter really bring it to the surface. ;P i imagine that in time i will understand and accept these feelings but the ride sure is interesting. ;P

so Zack sends out this huge form letter and my instant reaction is that I don’t even want to read it. eventually I do but I can’t help but feel like someone in the audience rather than a brother. i just find it so impersonal that it makes me feel less close afterwards. reminds me of the times when Eriko and I would talk at each other, not to each other.

i have been thrust into a situation where my team is not pushing the envelope, but instead it barely persists. i have to motivate and enable my teammates to quickly fulfill their potential without breaking them or me. i feel as if i have made significant progress with one out of three. given that i am unaware of the total magnitude of the force i must impart, significant may end up being trivial. nontheless, i am encouraged.