i have a desire to write a detailed report of the last few days, but no time nor energy to do it. so i’ll just give the highlights:

Saturday: changed front brakes on the Miata with Aaron’s assistance, then had Indian food with Aaron and his fiance Carol
Sunday: watched a Mariner’s game and then went to Neal’s housewarming party. both were enjoyable. (Mariner’s game was on TV).
Monday: long day at work followed by Japanese class. good day.
Tuesday: long day at work followed by a Mariner’s game on the tube and laundry. another good day.
Wednesday: woke up real early so I could talk to Eriko on the phone. that is the highlight of my week. X) another long day at work followed by Japanese class.

in writing an email to Susie, i finally put into a complete thought what i’ve slowly been figuring out… i have the ability to put really high expectations on people. i’ve seen this several times lately. i had really high expectations that mom wasn’t supposed to express dissatisfaction with dad; i had high expectations of Susie and Brian’s time; and most of all, i always have extremely high expectations of my girlfriends. i’ve really had to learn to acknowledge this with Eriko as i put expectations on her that are unreasonable for anyone else in my life, including people who have known me from birth. it is nice to figure out stuff like this because it gives me a “notecard” to refer to when i don’t feel at peace. now i’ve got to start considering whether the expectations are most strongly placed on myself… leading to unnecessary frustration… and no motivation…

i have about 4 or 5 books laying about the house which i’ve started. i have a list of weekly goals, a schedule template, but … i misplaced that motivation! tonight when i’m sitting on the couch i’ll try to remember where i put it.

i am finally starting to admit to myself that i am a lazy bones. i haven’t called Eriko on the phone since January. that’s just one example.

i have to admit that although i told myself that i didn’t want my birthday to be any big thing, i can’t help but notice when people dear to me don’t remember. luckily i’m sure i’ll forget many a thing so i can just keep this as a get out of jail free card. ;P

i think that it is hard to analyze such an extended period of time when most of my senses are so fixated on what immediately surrounds them. with that in mind, my age is just an arbitrary point on the line segment which is my life. i don’t know how far i’ve come; i don’t know how far i’m going. i can only look at where i am to judge the quality of my existence. i feel pretty good. every day i learn more about who i am, what i want, where i need to be. i grow more comfortable with my own skin, my limitations, my gifts. i know, though, that the roller coaster has not hit the big hill yet. i’m nervous, i’m scared, i’m excited. all i can do is hang on tight and enjoy the ride.