i rest.

Why is that I always seem to love at first sight, but those that I love are oblivious to my heart pounding wildly? Do girls not love at first sight? I suppose that society teaches a girl to be passive in her feelings. I am blessed (or cursed) to throw my heart on the table, with the table of contents as plain as can be. I must be patient; for the reader will take her time,
consuming each chapter at her own pace – independent of my desire to see the story unfold. I have no choice but to take comfort (or grief) in the simple truth that all is well, that ends well.

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fate.
When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,
We wish that one should love, the other win;
And one especially do we affect
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:
The reason no man knows, let it suffice,
What we behold is censured by our eyes.
Where both deliberate, the love is slight:
Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?

 - Christopher Marlow

i’d go back 50 years, find myself a nice bed and breakfast, and take a long nap.

0700 alarm goes off
0702 crawl out of bed, relieved because i’m not going to exercise now
0705 feed and pet bailey
0710 check my email
0730 weigh myself, get dressed, bailey and i eat some ham
0745 leave for work
0755 arrive at work
0800 less productive morning
0945 team meeting; group seems a bit tired
0955 more work, less than productive
1130 leave for home
1135 surprise bailey
1145 hit the stairmaster, level 10 of 20, no hands
1215 hit the shower
1230 hit the road (for work)
1300 bi-weekly triage meeting + lunch. i enjoy this meeting
1400 back to work, or something like that
1730 on the bus headed for downtown
1800 at japanese class
2050 class is over, i’m standing in the cold
2100 back on the bus
2130 at home, bailey seeks attention
2145 eating peanuts and drinking some wine
2200 working on my ai final
2300 relaxing with some tv while writing this entry

i don’t know what it is, but all of a sudden i’m undisciplined in my wakeups. this morning i woke up about 5 (bathroom) and moved my alarm forward from 6 to 7. then i woke up at 7 and moved it forward to 9. i ended up getting up about 8, but all those breaks don’t leave me with good sleep. i also missed working out this morning. i know working out as something to do with it, because it makes the process of waking up seem so much more expensive (or uncomfortable). i’m hoping to go home at lunch and do a workout… or after class…