Last night was tough. Not only was Eriko completely drained by the time I arrived home, which thankfully, was earlier than usual, but Jerry had a poor night sleeping.

He woke up once, was upset, couldn’t talk about it, and it eventually escalated to me removing him from the bedroom. This turned into a full blown tantrum, kicking, screaming, hitting, throwing, spitting… you name it. I sat on the couch and was minimally engaged - I would put him back on the floor if he ran over and tried to hit me and I talked to him - I kept explaining that he needed to talk about what he wanted.

Let’s not mince words - Jerry is what (and who) I get excited about most. Yet, when we play I am often distracted and find it difficult to let go of things outside my control (at least for the moment).

Those things?

Work. As confused as I am about whether I’m doing the right thing, I spend a lot of energy on work.

Money. This never used to be an obsession. Unfortunately, seeing stock at 27 a share gave me hope that I could somehow “get rich quick.” I haven’t shaken that. Last year’s market crash and my alternative investments have made me that much more obsessed. I read hundreds of blogs and news articles a week - but these people are no different - the future is still unknown.

I have lost my way. While my current position is fun (at times) and is providing me with new experiences, I don’t feel as if I’m moving towards anything.

Why am I still at work?

Good salary. Convenient. Comfortable. Big investment. Lack of alternatives.

I work hard, long and most days I am excited to head into the office.

Honestly, I seem to be operating off of hope more than reality - most of what I do I tend to feel unsatisfied with.

I am amazed to see Jerry grow - tomorrow he hits a big milestone.

We’ll have a little play date - if the weather holds up. ’ll post pictures. :)

Recently Jerry has begun taking late naps in the evening. This hasn’t happened every day of the week, but it has happened the majority. It seems that he isn’t tired enough for a mid-day nap, but just can’t make it through the entire day.

Today he woke up at 7 AM and fell asleep at 6 PM. He’s still sleeping soundly, but if this is anything like his other naps he could be up any minute now. I’m hoping he’ll sleep the night through so Eriko and I can enjoy an evening with each other for once…