can sometimes be an opportunity – the trick is having enough faith to carry it through. (this quote provided by the writers of the ’everwood’ show on the WB)

i am looking ahead and i see a large hill before me. i am scared and weak but determined. for now, however, i will camp at its base and reflect on the path travelled so far.

my visit was too soon. but it went so well. Eriko’s family was kind and generous to me in a way that was definitely different. Dad said that things would change once she met my family and i could see that in their behavior towards me. Eriko and I had a great time together. there were a couple of moments when i needed space or she needed space (not many) and i my current theory is that we are both the strong, silent type. so when i need space i just leave or ignore her and she does the same – as i understand that about myself i come to appreciate it in her. i felt as if i was doing lots of appreciating on this trip. my Japanese was horrible and i am very embarrassed. i am very much humbled at the efforts Eriko and her family put in to communicate with me. her friends as well. and i don’t want them to have to put in so much work. somewhere inside, motiviation is building.

I had many unfounded concerns and paranoid fears when I arrived but somewhere inside I have begun to see things with vision that is clear and healthy. I think Eriko and I are very much in the same place and I realize this more and more as I learn to listen to my heart and not my head. Additionally, I realize more and more that I am not using my head to its full capabilties.

jaa mata ne; nihon ni ikuyo!

i will be too busy to think about Eriko! =) the SuSE class is still on for the last Wednesday in January and i will be applying at UW in time for the Feb 1 deadline. so i am imagining myself very busy (i want to work out in the morning and study Japanese too)