my desire to move to Japan is waning fast. if it happens as part of my career, i’m all for it. otherwise, it seems like it would be an irresponsible move.

i’m toying with the idea of moving to Japan after i complete my master’s degree. Eriko mentioned getting married next year but it seems awfully quick. i would have no time to spend with her family, i would just swoop in, marry her, and we’d leave. i don’t really like that idea. she suggested it, so perhaps she’s fine. an alternative would be that i move to Japan for a few years, we get married and have our first child before moving back to the US. it just seems unlikely that my career could be as fruitful in Japan as it could be in the US, but i haven’t done much exploration. i don’t know what Eriko’s ideas are and i’m looking forward to the opportunity to talk about it with her in person.. =)

i’m not hearing much from Eriko these days and i’m a little frustrated. i have this knot in my stomach and my mind can’t focus. this recent occurence is because i sent her an email and the conversation was just left hanging. women. =)

i was writing an email to Katrina when something i said made me think of Musashi’s book and the concept of the Void spirit. i feel like perhaps i may have a little understanding what this concept is, this position in me that is completely neutral, even as emotions or thoughts rage. this is my first glimmer of comprehension but it is something else for ‘me’ to look at. i love those quotes. life is about discovering self! what an exciting adventure.

but sometimes it sure does feel that way

i really should make more of an effort to write in my diary, on a regular basis. i love reading Zack’s, and Katrina’s, and Matthew’s. i try to remember to do it every day and i am dissappointed when i don’t see anything new. sometimes i am bothered by the content and it forces me to analyze why i’m bothered, what it is about myself that i dislike in their words. i’ve noticed i’m becoming a little more theoretical, a little more analytical, a little more thoughtful. i’m actually starting to read again, slowly. my brain doesn’t have the focusing power it did when i was a kid and i am often distracted, sometimes mid-sentence or even in the middle of a word. its quite amazing to recognize myself lose focus while part of me is still reading, as if the volume on one channel is slowly drowning out that of another. i have a lot of things i want to do in this life. i know that in retrospect, i will be granted the opportunity to glimpse everything i desire; in the moment, though, i fe! ar the passing of time.