war of the diaries

Seeing Eriko after these four months of almost no communication has so far been what I feared – she is distant and I am distressed. I am torn by my desire for affection and my desire not to rush her into that affection. Last night, I couldn’t sleep and I finally woke her up and asked to kiss her – but it didn’t really make me feel much better. Who wants to ask for a kiss rather than be offerred? So I struggle. Dad told me that we would fall in and out of love. I had become accustomed to failing out of love when we weren’t around each other, but had not anticipated it during a visit. I suppose it was just a matter of time, really. What is sad is that Eriko has been making entries into her diary often, which I have never seen her do, and I feel shut out. I’m jealous of someone she is emailing quite frequently, Akie. Not really sure if it is a girl or a guy, but I’m jealous anyway. Why shouldn’t I be? She has spent more time in conversation with her journal and email then me, I think.