my discomfort is slowing growing. the team i’m on is not valued as highly among other teams in this organization. there is a tendency to poach talent from this group. if i were capable of being poached, i wouldn’t care – but since i’m a lead, i’m essentially ineligible. i’m tormented with envy and jealously as i see myself become less technically proficient relative to my peers – and know that in my current capacity, that trend will only continue. i realize that my love for the engineering is decreasing – i don’t seem to love to code or hack anymore. i do it when it is necessary to get things done, but i think i might enjoy knowing solutions to problems or ensuring that they are solved rather than actually solving them myself. i’m really at a crossroads as far as my career is concerned, and i’m relatively unsure as to the direction i will ultimately choose. the indecision is driving me crazy, though, because i am not good at standing still. i’m grateful for the many things i’m doing right now (class & class) because they provide a sufficient distraction from the ultimate monotony of this position. maybe i can do this position for a while longer, if i have a sufficient number of other interests. again, i simply do not know.