a little overwhelmed
i often make mental diary entries but either don’t remember to write it down or can’t recall what it is i thought of. this morning i woke up on the wrong side of the bed. i’m not sure exactly how that is possible, considering that the bed is bordered by a wall, but perhaps it was secretly rotated while i slept. or didn’t sleep. i went to bed pretty early last night because i was pooped from having three beers and eating pizza while watching the ALCS game 1. my co-worker Greg came over and that was cool. as is typical with me, though, i began to castigate myself for not doing my homework or studying japanese. i tried the former but started to doze off on the couch. i didn’t sleep real well, and it feels like i haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time. i know this is true because i’ve been tracking in my sleep database how often i sleep through the night, and the last time was in july. not to mention that there are only 9 solid nights out of 305. a lot of that is Bailey; part of me is aware that she is outside and wakes me up so that i’ll let her in. this happens at least once, maybe twice. the other problem is likely my bed, which i can’t seem to get comfortable on. i want Eriko to help pick out out a bed so i’ve refrained but i might have to start sleeping on the floor until then. when i finally wake up, feeling unrefreshed, i check my email from work and find more bugs. this time in the cycle there is a lot of pressure, as we have a specific date to hit and each problem is an obstacle that must be overcome quickly. as a lead i can’t help but feel “more” pressure but it is probably all the same. i’m missing Eriko as well. i’ve come to realize that she seems to miss me as soon as i leave and then recovers, while i miss her gradually and my longing peaks a few months after i’ve seen her. i’m not excited to leave home tonight; it is a morning where i wish i could just crawl into a hole and hibernate.