Life is about learning of yourself; today is one of those confusing days for me. I’m upset and overwhelmed. Work and school are pressures and they can be pretty frustrating, but I seem to be able to stay calm and ride out the storm. My heart, however, is another matter. Paying off Eriko’s loan is a strange thing – but mainly it seems like I am setting myself up for hardship. My naive and trusting heart wants to believe that because we told each other we wanted something, we will both live up to those desires; but my brain is too experienced to let me get away with it. I have been down this road before. I didn’t like what I saw. I keep hoping I can find this woman who can appreciate me in such a way – a way I can’t even describe. Bailey, for instance. She still scratches me once in a while; she still bites me. But she makes me feel needed and even though she is only a cat and has but the most primitive form of expression, I feel love. Perhaps I am naturally scared and jaded! from real human interaction; my mother’s love has never been equalled in a woman – and yet I have this romantic, naive view that I will find a woman who will love me more. Am I crazy? Or just stupid?