Cherry
Blossoms and
Eriko.
March 2006 Archives
I have noticed recently in many random conversations that I am impatient
to push my ideas, rather than to truly listen. Is that I am afraid of
what I might hear, arrogance, or simply a bad habit?
The conversation didn't start like that, but that is probably the question that
resonates within my mind. I was in the garage, with a feeble attempt to start
the MG. I had poured some fuel stabilizer and carb cleaner into the gas tank,
charged the battery, and sprayed ethanol into the carb air intake. It turned
over and ran for a second, but no more. My neighbor, an older well-kept woman
(in her 50s, perhaps), spoke to me briefly about the car. I don't remember the
exact conversation but she expressed the idea that I was holding onto this car
for no practical value. "I think its maturity", she said. "We all have things
we hold onto like that." Of course, I rationalize keeping the MG -- it doesn't
cost me much, in terms of visible dollars (although the hidden cost of the
weather on the Miata or Jetta is probably real.) I think I keep it because I'm
not willing to accept that I am a failure as an auto mechanic. I know that I
haven't really tried. When I was driving the MG on a daily basis (back in `00),
I did minimal maintenance. I didn't work on the car for the sake of working on
the car, I did it so it could get me from point A to B. I didn't love the car
or the task. My current attempts to start the MG are tiny touches of love. Love
of the dream, of the idea, of the goal, that I can work on a car. That I can
take a car that needs regular maintenance and make it work. The Miata and Jetta
have been gifts to me -- they both have required very little. The MG is a
simple vehicle, without computers, that I have the ability to work with. I
still lack the motivation, however.
my weight is trending upwards... which suggests that the three healthy meals
(a day) that I'm eating may be more than my body needs...
"Are you a toddler?", asked Eriko? Why? Because I have once again demonstrated
the truth behind this English saying.
Spring break is nice. As Eriko naps in the other room, I've been modifying
the website. We went out to breakfast with Alex & Kellie this morning, which
was also very nice. Next week is the first week in a while where I will be
able to stay at work the normal hours and I only have to worry about Japanese
homework.
"The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in
a thousand things well." What is it that I am profoundly interested in?
tonight in my operating systems class we were talking about some material
which was relevant to Isilon, so Hank (the prof) asked me before class if
i would be willing to come up for a bit and talk about it. he wasn't sure,
but in the middle he did invite me up and i spent about 10 minute talking.
i wasn't real prepared so my "presentation" was poor (non-existent, really)
but i did answer some questions. it was exciting. i've been in touch with
him a bit more about research and it is looking more promising with each
communication.