January 2005 Archives

i had a great (partial) game of Go with Scott yesterday. we played for about
3 hours, but it didn't feel like three hours at all. then i played some Bridge,
where i simply cannot compete. i was enjoying myself until it became
competitive, and then it became painful. i haven't taken any time to study or
practice this game like the others, yet i still don't like to lose. my silly pride.

after almost a two month gap, i finally did some exercise which caused me to
sweat. having the comradery of Zack made it much easier than i expected.

i went to buy my ticket for travelling to Japan in July. i was debating
whether i should purchase or use mileage. Air Canada cost about $700, while
Delta cost about $1100. it took me about 5 minutes (or less) using the web
to find and purchase the ticket from Air Canada. on Delta, i was on hold for
about 15 minutes and then a lady fumbled around for another 15 minutes
before my phone finally died. Delta would have charged me for a round-trip
ticket had i used mileage, even though i was only buying a one-way. granted,
the Delta manuver was more complicated (since it was through a "partner")
airline, but my money was not forgiving.

i don't think i have anything really interesting to right about... it feels like i hardly have two seconds to myself... yet,
at the same time i can recall several times this weekend when i did nothing.. ;) i'm starting to take my studies much more
seriously (although i don't have much choice; japanese is demanding more from me). in addition, my workload at isilon is
increasing as well -- as our company grows, there will be a surge in work until i can hire some more people and get things
quieted down again... plus, my social life is more tasking as well! with Zack in town and sufficient inclusion in work circles,
i seem to always have somewhere to go... i'm not well-rounded yet, though... i've clearly neglected exercise so far this
year. my ambition tells me i can do anything, but then the alarm goes off... and i hit snooze. no doubt about it, i've been
blessed.

I get so tired of having an internal thread talk about being gay or remembering
that Andrew Marshal and I played doctor. The contact was innocent and yet I feel
so guilty - rather, I can only assume that it is guilt that I am feeling. I don't
really know. Anyway, my hope was that by writing words into something, my mind
would grow tired for the moment. But perhaps I am only encouraging behavior I would
prefer to cease.

this weekend i was pretty good at making a detailed list of things to do and
sticking with it. i got distracted by the football games and did a little less
(and less effective) studying than i should have. last night, japanese class
had a holiday (MLK). i ended up making currying and watching the godfather, part
ii (which is a great movie). i had watched the original on saturday and i hope
to watch the 3rd one this weekend. i could have spent my time better. i felt
it; during the movie i could feel myself nagging myself to do something more
productive. baby steps to discipline.

Monday: Japanese

Tuesday: UW

Wednesday: Japanese

Thursday: Isilon party

Friday: Aaron's birthday party

Saturday: possibly poker

Sunday: bridge night at Pete's



I'd better do some homework!

i'm not sure if the 3 hours of ping pong, the 30 quarters of shoot-em-up, or
the five games of foosball did it -- i woke up with a throbbing pain in my
right hand. i think it got worn out from too much fun! last night was our big
"good work" party for last year's major software release. as a token of
gratitude, the company bought all the engineers mini ipods. as we all lined
up to receive our gifts, everybody was thinking the same thing: "here comes
another isilon t-shirt." the awe and glee was obvious after the ipods had
been handed out. tonight is a co-worker's 30th birthday party, so i'll be
hard-pressed to get some studying done this weekend.

it took me a long time to realize it, but i've been pretty selfish the last few
months. if i spent as much time thinking about math as i do about Eriko, i'd
be a math genius.

i've been feeling a little overwhelmed for the last several months. in
particular, when i think of the upcoming wedding and the changes which will
follow. i've been trying to anticipate the changes, or worrying about the
inevitable ups and downs, but neither has made me very comfortable. at the
same time, i've noticed a loneliness within myself become more apparent.
initially, my reaction and thoughts were to blame the interaction between
Eriko and I, which is strange in its own right. however, i realized this
morning that my loneliness is more fundamental than that. i want her near me.
i want to build the bonds that only time together can do. i have often
wondered about this concept of marriage. how foreign it is in the moment, to
make a decision which joins two souls, without a complete or even clear
understanding of the path or results. this decision, this desire... it is
part of who i am, part of my character, intrinsic to my being. i need to
bond myself. this is the realization and understanding i have been searching
for.

• buy a macintosh laptop
• upgrade (and move) the servers
• use the servers for storage
• reduce in-house computing to firewall and possible local storage cache

yesterday, I:

• met some old co-workers/friends for breakfast


• cleaned house


• transferred Sun Tzu's Art of War (audio book) to MD


• installed a new Mazda battery in the Miata


• went grocery shopping


• installed a florescent light above the kitchen sink (after measuring and
  drilling)


• practiced Kanji


• started internationalizing the diary/journal/blog application for
  Eriko


• re-watched a movie, Playing God


• cooked some pork


• sat very still, with Bailey sleeping peacfully on my lap

to harness all of my talents to improve my life. i currently misuse some virtues
and incorrectly consider others vices. i think with sufficent effort, i can put
this puzzle together...

the immigration packet has been sent off. my passport is still missing, however, and i fear the complications that may arise. if there is no RFE (request for
evidence) then i think everything will be OK, but i'm still nervous.

in my clumsiness, i appear to have misplaced my passport. i've contacted all the places Zack and i went to today, so hopefully it will be found...

i've prepared a binder full of immigration information, with 34 pages... and i don't know if it is good enough. ;) i'll be attempting to contact a lawyer ttomorrow...