Bailey hasn't given me any loving before I go to sleep for the last two weeks! Her schedule seems a little strange; she seems to be spending
a little more time inside than usual (she even used the litter box twice). Now that I have some time, I need to take her to the vet and get
a webcam so I can spy on her. ;P
January 2004 Archives
i realize more and more that i can be a real tough guy to be friends with. as i expand more into my lead role at work, i become more aggressive, demanding, and critical. i catch myself lecturing people around me and so forth. i guess its just hard for me to
switch out of boss mode and into peer mode. maybe i just like boss mode. ;P
overall it was pretty smooth, despite some rough edges. a lost control a few
times and ran out of material with about an hour left to go. i received some
very helpful feedback and it was a great experience. now my extracurricular
activities are complete but things are really heating up at work. no rest for
the wicked.
i don't think i'm prepared at all. the last two evenings i decided to cut out all my
screenshot work and do the presentation live, which makes me even more scared. i haven't slept well in a while now... i've had either applications dreams, work dreams, or class dreams...
i think i'm jealous. i'm jealous that my little brother doesn't want to give me that individual attention. i think i've probably been jealous for a while but things like a form letter really bring it to the surface. ;P i imagine that in time i will understand and accept these feelings but the ride sure is interesting. ;P
so Zack sends out this huge form letter and my instant reaction is that I
don't even want to read it. eventually I do but I can't help but feel like
someone in the audience rather than a brother. i just find it so impersonal
that it makes me feel less close afterwards. reminds me of the times when
Eriko and I would talk at each other, not to each other.
i have been thrust into a situation where my team is not pushing the envelope,
but instead it barely persists. i have to motivate and enable my teammates to
quickly fulfill their potential without breaking them or me. i feel as if i
have made significant progress with one out of three. given that i am unaware
of the total magnitude of the force i must impart, significant may end up
being trivial. nontheless, i am encouraged.
I submitted my application to the post office at noon -- it is now out of
my hands. I've decided that even if I am not accepted, I will enroll in one
of the classes. Of course, that is my backup plan -- I'm hoping they will give
me a chance. My other high-priority non-work-related task is the SuSE class.
I'm happy to announce that we were able to fill all 6 slots, the final slot
filled by a gentleman who seemed convinced by the course outline as well as my
willingness to accommodate information he was specifically interested in learning. I have a LOT of work to do between now and Wednesday. Eriko contacted me last night and said she was thinking of visiting me at the end of April. How cool!
well... i think i might be done with my application. there are definitely some
areas which i am lacking content but i'm getting to the point where i've given
it what i've got... and i have to start devoting my free time to my class.
i haven't found any motivation to go to the gym. 0. i was talking to Miyamoto about it over IM the other day and he suggested i just do something fun. so
i contacted Alex and asked him if I could join his flag football team. he said he won't start till later but I could try out for his frisbee team. that
will be next Sunday. in other news, i am very close to finishing my graduate school application. my GRE scores and GPA put me into the below average
category -- so I hope the admissions committee can see past those things and look at my work performance and recent UW course. i also have about a week
left to prepare for my class... i took some rudimentary screen shots but i still have a lot of work to do. not tonight though. tonight i'm just relaxing. =)
Maybe I should watch this movie.
i received an unexpected call from Brian last night. at first i hestitated to
pick it up, knowing that i have lots of work to do but i remembered what i
agreed too -- which was that he was busy and i would have to go out on his
whim. first we went to McMenaminn's where he ate and we both had a beer. most
of that conversation was bitching about being older brothers and having younger
brothers who aren't living up to our idealistic dreams. his brother is in
worse shape than Zack but i worry. then we met up with his buddy Ben and
his finance from Cambodia. they have only known each other about a year
and a half and will be married in June. another future doctor, John, also
came and we all had a drink at bar at the top of Queen Anne. it was quite
fascinating to watch these doctors-to-be discussing their training, their
dreams, and their profession. much of it was like greek to me but there were
many times when i felt as if they could have been car mechanics.
Eriko and her family liked my cookies. =) it isn't as if i have some secret
recipe or anything but it was the first time i had ever made cookies. Eriko
said her brother and sister ate almost all of them within the first two days.
Looks like I'll have to try making something else. =)
I went to a board meeting of the Puget Sound Network User's Group last night.
I was surprised to find an older crowd and I understand why they are having
trouble recruiting new members. They have the same small business, group
comradery, all-in-it-together mentality but their focus has changed. I'm more
interested in the technology than I am the business and I noticed that they
seem to be more focused on the business. It was an interesting experience. I
will give my Linux seminar the last Wed of January (the 28th) and I should
have about 6 students in the class. I have a lot of preparation to do between
now and then. That, combined with my UW application, is going to eliminate
almost all my free time. Tonight I let Alex talk me into coming over and
bringing his co-worker Ian; we're going to watch The Big Lebowski. And last
night Aaron came over and I helped him with his homework. But really! I have
to concentrate on my two chores... ;P
I get a lot of pressure from my friends (certain ones in particular) to hurry
things up with Eriko. Set a wedding date, get her over here, etc. Those friends
tend to be older or wish they had started a family earlier. I've struggled to
defend my viewpoint: which is that I'm patient and letting her take the lead
so that we both know its what she wants. I've used philosophical and pratical
arguments which still end up painting me as this loony in-love guy. I had a
moment of truth when I was talking to Bill yesterday and the rationale behind
my madness became obvious -- I'm not ready. I don't push her, I don't force a
date, I don't get uncomfortable at the distance -- because as long as we are
moving forward, even at a snail's pace, I am comfortable. The rock behind that
is probably that my dad didn't get married until he was close to 30.
Bailey has really impressed me lately. She'll come home on a pretty regular schedule, sometimes even when I whistle. She wants attention immediately; it
is the feeding ritual where I pet her while she eats or offer her food out of my hand. Then she goes onto her bed (Katrina's mat) and cleans herself or
naps. At some point, however, she'll make little noises to let me know she's hungry again -- or a new thing: she wants some lap attention. The latter is
pretty exciting and the only way I can tell the difference between the former is because she will hesitate a little near the couch. When she does that,
I sit on the couch with my legs on the coffee table. She will immediately join me and curl up on my lap or stretch out on my legs. It is awesome.
Alex invited me to go bowling tonight but I turned him down. It isn't that I
haven't taken many nights off this week but there is something about a Friday
night at home that I really enjoy. =)
I emailed the editor of SysAdmin magazine a few days ago and offered to write
an article -- they liked my suggestion and asked me to submit a draft! How
exciting! At first he told me that it would be due February 1st but then
corrected himself and said it was due June 1st. The later date fits my timeline
better considering that I have to prepare for UW and my SuSE class. WOW! What
a great opportunity!
i noticed that i have a some soreness in my legs... is it from working out two days ago? either that or the MASSIVE amount of snow (for Seattle) caused them to work extra hard yesterday... =)
i grow to understand my father's frustration. sometimes i write Eriko a note with my only intention to send a little love her way and have a positive impact on her day. but sometimes she'll respond in a way that throws me off completely; she'll point out a mistake in my Japanese. many times she can pull it off smoothly, but if the stars are aligned just right than she gets particuarly annoyed (or that is the impression i have) with my mistake and her correction seems a little more harsh than necessary. i believe she means no harm, which is a good thing, for it allows me to find ways to calm myself down. but the truth is, she can (and probably always will) "get to me." the truth is, somewhere i'm glad she has that effect, although in the moment my pride often blinds me.
i didn't make it up for exercise this morning... and if it happens once, it can happen again. i went to bed about 10 but couldn't get comfortable. i woke up at 2 am convinced it was 5 am and determined not to go. once i realized the true time i turned off my alarm clock. hmmm...
Eriko tried to call me again tonight and then asked that I call her. I did and we talked for about an hour. The connection wasn't real good and it took a while to get used to it. Naturally, by the time I did it was time for her to go. :P At first she was pretty worried -- I guess her aunt and others have been warning her about the U.S.; telling her it will be difficult for her to live. I tried to reassure her and be mature about it. I said it was good for her to hear all these people's opinions for then she could make up her own mind. Also, I told her that it was very normal for her to be scared. I hope I was able to help her relax. =) Time for bed!
i woke up at 5 am this morning and managed to pull myself together and head
for all-star fitness. my co-worker, Kip, gave me a five-day pass. it took me
a while to figure out how to work the machines, etc, but eventually i completed
a 35 minute workout on the treadmill. by the end of the workout i was much
less self-conscious and found i might actually be enjoying myself... ;P my
routine is all messed up, however, as i had to walk home after working out to
get lunch so i ended up taking a shower there. tomorrow i hope to (if i have
prepared lunch) drop it off at work before i go to work-out and bring a decent
change of clothes so i don't have to inefficiently double-back.
i'm torn between waiting for Eriko to figure out how to call me and calling
her... and as i write this i realize how much i over-analyze some things. =) if
the girl _wants_ me to call her, she'll tell me. if i really _want_ to call her
then i'll just do it. so the real question is do i want to call her and i think
the answer is no, i'd rather wait.
i have had an asian fetish for some time. my college buddies like to remind me
about the "six green disks" i arrived with. lately i have been perusing the
newsgroups. there are many pretty ladies and i enjoy looking. the truth is,
their fake smiles aren't for me. on my desk sits the picture of a beautiful
girl with a real smile -- for me. i think its time to abandon the fetish.
we didn't actually talk, but she dialed. =) not sure why it didn't work but
after i got over my initial dissappointment i realized it is the thought that
counts. ;P she'll try again soon and i bought a phone card just in case. =)
Alex invited me to dinner with him and Kellie and we were joined by their friend Jenny. Dinner was yummy, but a tad pricey. Afterwards we went to Alex's house
where we had some drinks, watched some TV, ate more food, and laughed. =) We were joined by Wig and some young people (apparently she likes it rare now) but they were well behaved and everyone had a good time. now i have the day off... what will i ever do? ;P