August 2003 Archives

just like the original version of this diary entry, which dissappeared when my keyboard went wacky. kernel version 2.6 does not operate with my keyboard very well. freebsd 5.1 doesn't have the problem, nor does linux 2.4.. anyway. i really enjoyed the movie. i was amazed to realize at the end how much i was drawn into the movie -- and there weren't any killer robots! today has been a very relaxing day. i finished a couple of todos but i certainly didn't exert myself. i'm quite pleased tomorrow is an extra day off; i'm not ready for the weekend to end. =) what were some downers today... the bleach really cleaned up the toilet well, except for the portion at the top of the bowl -- i can't cause the water level to rise, even if i pour some from the sink. very interesting but the toilet isn't spotless yet. and i wasted a whole bottle of tilex, "no scrubbing required", on the shower. its not clean. just proves that cleaning should be done proactively. i bought a bottle of the spray-after-shower stuff that mom uses, although not the same brand. won't David be surprised when he comes home to a clean apartment. well, a cleaner apartment. ;P

on the Miata. =) muchos gracias to Aaron and Fred for their assistance and tools. the next thing on my list is the brakes... i've having a really good weekend so far: my room reorganization is sweet! i made a desk using some slats from my futon bed and end tables. not so much a desk as a monitor holder; i can fit all three. this gives me a separate and distinct desk which has no computer. my hope is that i will be able to study without distraction at it. Eriko had some teeth pulled! youch. and a good lesson in Tokyo. there are still many things on my todo list and two more days of weekend. awesome.

clamav and spamassassin seem to be doing very well. muchos gracias to ian for creating these woody packages and for telling me about them! i woke up earlier than i expected today, considering i went to bed around 2. i'm excited -- i've got lots of things to do. Eriko just had some of her teeth pulled.. gulp.. she'll have headgear (i think) the next time i see her and i continue to be amazed at what a lucky guy i am.

my computer is in the living room as i watch jurassic park. i partially cleaned the toilet.. ;P i just installed ian's backported spamassassin stuff.. and i'm nervous. so this is more than just a diary entry, its a mail test. =)

I'm a changed man now; I will do things when I want to -- get things done right
the first time, keep good notes, follow up on tasks. I'm on my way. I went
swimming on Tuesday and it was awesome. I coughed and sputtered and took
frequent rests but I swam crawl-stroke laps. My form was crap and my breathing
irregular but I swam crawl-stroke laps. I went out for dinner yesterday evening
and ate too much. I could have saved some food but I decided to just finish
everything on my plate -- including the coleslaw! I've been pleasantly
surprised with how much Eriko is talking to me these days; I'm not sure how
long it will hold up but I can hope for a while. I'm really enjoying it. This
morning I woke up a little after 8 (8:15), fired up the puter and checked for
some email from her. I wanted to write her then but I was feeling timid, I
think. Next time (tomorrow?) I will. She wrote me about 8:30 to say good night
although I didn't receive it until I got to work about 9:20. It took me a while
to get ready this morning because I made myself a hamburger for lunch. I ate
two slices of ham and half a cup of yogurt for breakfast. It was yummy and
contained roughly the same amount of carbs and protein with a little more
emphasis on the protein. Similiar to zone but with my mom's emphasis on lower
carbs in the picture.

I'm feeling pretty good. There is lots to do at work but I don't feel nearly as overwhelmed. I know I'm going to have to come in everyday and put in a good solid effort but I welcome the challenge. I know that I'm rusty and I have lots to learn from people but it will help keep my mind open and my heart humble. Eriko told me she was very moved by my parent's letter to her and I was also moved by what she told me her mother wrote about me. With Bailey calmly licking her paw to my left, I feel very grateful tonight.

My vacation went by so quickly I can barely believe it. My room is as I left it, a stye. Bailey is happy to see me, as I am her. Soon, I will go to work.

maybe one day i will have this down to a routine, but not yet. i visited with david and tae last night, and it was fun. despite the fact that tae left us for several hours for some hanky panky with his 18 yr-old girlfriend of three weeks. i enjoyed seeing david's house and playing with damien. a lot of things have changed since i was 16. even more have remained the same. life is indeed for the living!

Eriko arrived safely in Nagoya -- and now we have to wait until December to
see each other again. I heard a cool quote from Roger de Bussy-Rabutin :
"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; It extinguishes the small and kindles
the great." The weather is overcast in Anchorage today but I can see sun breaks
down in the city. Melissa and Kevin want to go hiking but I don't. I need to
figure out the best way to pay for Eriko's plane ticket, relax, and read my
book.

I've been too busy! Or perhaps I just haven't wanted to gaze on anything
except Eriko while she's been here, afraid she might dissappear. ;P

She arrived on Tuesday and it only took an hour or two before it felt as if

we had never been apart. The RAV4 had a nice clean paper floor mat, courtesy of

pop, and she liked that. She brought many nice gifts for the family -- shirts,

snacks, and some uniquely Japanese artwork that her mother had picked out. 

>From the start, it seemed as if she fit naturally into the family. I think

it may have been Tuesday evening when mom told me that she liked Eriko. 

My hair! It was long when Eriko arrived but she didn't flinch. I love that about

her. She might flutter about me but she is accepting of my appearance, no 

matter how uncouth. She watched mom cut my hair, knowing that I want her to

take over the job one day. 

Games were played. Lots of them. At first I think Eriko was very timid and

I can understand -- we have been playing games together all our lives and is

probably where our family bonds the most. By the end of the trip, though,

Eriko seemed to be enjoying herself. She even won Sorry! =) I look forward

very much to when she can play some of the more challenging games. I have no

doubts that she will get there. I am continually amazed with her ambition,

language ability, and love of learning. 

Wednesday... the gang of kids got together for bowling; I won both games. =)

Eriko came in second the second game -- I think she enjoyed that. Then we

drove downtown, parked, and walked around. I think we both enjoy walking

around, holding hands, and experiencing things together. At least I do. 

We had a late lunch at the Glacier Brewhouse -- and we were both a little

to full for dinner. In the evening... more games!

We had some very intimate moments, Eriko and I. We both have a strong desire

to please and a love of learning which (I think) makes holding and kissing

each other very enjoyable. I don't feel rushed or like rushing when I'm with

her -- it is very amazing.

Thursday we went off to Portage.. we had a lot of activities planned but 

somehow we only had time to visit the lodge, the visitor's center, and go on

the glacier cruise. She spent lots of time napping while we drove and I 

realized how much I enjoy our comfortable silence. Susie came for dinner and

I quickly got the impression that the interaction that Susie and I have on

a one to one basis does not extend to when she is in groups; she is much

more "professional." She told me that she was tired and left soon after dinner,

I suspect she might have been a little bored to -- especially since Eriko and

I are content to sit and talk softly to each other.

Friday involved running around shopping for gifts for Shogo and Eriko's mom;

after a round of mini-golf, of course. 

She left this morning and perhaps I should fill in more detail but I can't

at the moment. I can't imagine her visit any better. She liked my family

and they liked her. I'm a lucky guy.

what was supposed to be a nice, easy, tourist-capable hike turned into a
grueling 7 hour adventure. somehow we all managed to get lost and climbed the
mountain from the wrong direction. but now, its over. whew

I did not control myself last night and had too much beer. Now I am suffering. Ugh. Luckily I have finished about 80% of my packing and 80% of the work tasks I need to get done before I leave so I can be 20% of my self today. Ugh. i am useless

rocked! Maybe I'll watch gone with the wind tonight? Or another, perhaps. It was real nice of Aaron to lend David and I these movies. This means I don't get "anything" done in the evening, but I'm just trying to pass the time until vacation.. ;P

My buddy Aaron offered to take me out to dinner -- and I suggested Outback Steakhouse. Its certainly not the steak that I can get at home, but its not bad. We were joined by Carol, Joe, Lisa, Kaya, and David. I had a real nice time. It was interesting for me to note that I was celebrating with a bunch of people that I barely knew (actually, I didn't know anyone of the bunch except for David) a year ago. The world is full of amazing people and I am lucky for those with which bonds are formed. Oh Eriko! One more week..

I wasn't up late but that doesn't stop me from being sleepy this morning. I
had a good birthday. Slept in, laying awake wondering if I would hear from
Eriko. Then I got up, drank some coffee, and then laid on the couch, reading
a little Satre and daydreaming/thinking (usually about Eriko). Finally about
eleven David woke up and we headed out to Seattle' seafair. Nothing was
happening, although we could see the Blue Angels flying about along with a
C-130. I felt cool because I predicted the C-130 based on the noise as it flew
over our apartment. We proceeded to pick up David's friend who is a researcher
at Fred Hutchison, and headed for a Korean restaraunt in Edmonds. The food was
delicious and very filling. Upon returning to our home base, David and I
watched Pitch Black -- we'd both already seen it but we were too tired and
full to do anything else. ;P He went to take a nap and I laid on the couch and
read a little more Satre and some Calvin and Hobbes. I got a call from my
parents, which was very enjoyable; then David and I met Alex and Kellie to
watch American Wedding at the theatre. It was entertaining but not quite worth
the price I paid. Finally, it was time for bed. And Eriko did remember.

I don't hear much from Eriko these days. I'm surprised sometimes, especially when I recall the moments in which I was
overbearing and couldn't help talking to her. Not that she always responded, which was an obvious sign that I needed
to learn to give her room. That is the learning process I go through now. I haven't heard her voice since March but
I don't want to call her. Everytime I call her my dad asks me if she has called me yet. I don't like to answer no.
As my confidence, strength, and attention in myself grow, I am more and more comfortable with our silence. But I
still lay awake at night or stay in bed in the morning, at times, struggling with her absence -- and confronted with
the reality of self, lonely self. Life is fun, but challenging.

I was expecting some kind of 80's style Breakfast Club like romantic comedy. Instead, I see Audrey Hepburn's name on the credits. I enjoyed the movie and she is a pretty dame too. The day has arrived in which the counter indicating my age will click once more to another digit. How would I rate the first 25 years of my life? A solid B. I feel as if I am a child, just learning the ways of the world, just learning what I want and what I don't, just learning to understand myself. What is a year anyway? If there were 9,125 days to a year then I would be turning 1 year old. I imagine the next 25 years hold wonders and surprises; challenges and twists; and triumphs and rewards -- I'm scared and excited.

My company decided to reduce its workforce by about 20% today. This comes about a month before we are due to finish coding up the next release. My best wishes go to those who left. Thankfully, my job is still secure, although I question whether I should have been let go. My team was definitely hit hard, losing 25%. The man whose code I'm replacing was let go and I will soon be responsible for the area that a woman was let go. I don't know what else to say about that. I need to continue to focus on my goal of getting a good recommendation and then into graduate school. I watched Shawshank Redemption tonight. I've seen it before but I couldn't remember it that well and wanted to be entertained. Entertained, I was. =) David invited me to go out with him and his friend but I chose to stay home. I went out last night and stayed out until 2. So I think I'll play homebody tonight. Besides, I love spending time with Bailey.