It went by quickly... that is an indication that I had fun, right? Yet, I spent
over 2/3 of my time awake working... is that ironic? Considering that I don't quite understand the meaning of irony, I don't really know. I think I've made progress -- my daemon averages around 3% CPU (target is 0) and doesn't seem to leak memory profusely. Unfortunately, it is pretty darn buggy. ;P
June 2003 Archives
to work? I spent most of the day inside, besides the time it took to walk to
work, walk to lunch, eat lunch, and walk home. ;P I would have prefferred to have the day off, but in actuality, it was too warm for me. I have had my shirt off since I left the air-conditioned office. My project is getting closer, but I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me. Sometimes I actually find myself enjoying it -- when I manage to ignore the stress/pressure of deadlines.
I have been busy. My project at work drags on. It is a "thorn in my side," as
my dad would say. I know that only I can remove this thorn, though. So I am
trying to remain chipper. I had my first swimming lesson yesterday and it was erally fun. We just did gliding and a little kicking but I had a really good time. I am looking forward to tomorrow's lesson. The walk is a little long... about 15 blocks, half of which are up Queen Anne hill. ;P Less than two months...
I hope I finish this project soon, because otherwise I'm going to have to
obtain some ICBMs and take up another profession. ;P
So fascinating. I've just spent about an hour or two going over old email, from as far back as 1998. I discovered that some email had accidentally been deleted and was quite concerned until I was able to restore it from a backup tape. Which reminds me that I need to get a real tape drive for the server, I would have been lost without it. And I'd be lost without my buddy Susie, who I talk to often (we just made a bet on who has a bigger waist -- I'm going to win, which means I lose and have to buy dinner). Anyway, back to email -- I've decided to collate my email and produce graphs so I can see when I email the most, where it comes from, etc. Eriko and I have sent an amazing amount of email to each other in a short time -- I have received almost 4000 emails from her. I worry sometimes, that our flame burned too hot... I didn't even think of that until Brian told me it was so.. but I hope it is not the case. The future is an exciting enigma; an infinite serious of roads. Fasci!
nating.
i had a great visit with them last night and i was able to tell them that Eriko is coming to visit! i miss them very much. Eriko also told me that her mother had bought some gifts for the family. i'm excited. =)
Well, I'm not as excellent as I hoped to be; I've got work to do. I received a 3.7 in my Algorithms class after a dismal 82 points in the final exam. Shucks.
I didn't get nearly as much accomplished at work as I would have liked; I simply
lacked motivation and concentration. *sigh* This project has me bogged down in
minutia. But tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! ;P
What a chore! Is it my age? My upbringing? My environment? Circumstance? For wwhatever reason, I feel impatient these days and I seem more likely to make mistakes. Have I always been impatient? Probably so. As my buddy Susie says, I'm just lazy and spoiled. Is this part of my nature, or do I have the capacity to change it? For instance, I want email from Eriko! Alas, several days have passed. I don't get impatient if it takes my sister months to email me so why do I expect something different from Eriko? Silly me and my expectations -- simply causing trouble!
My dad told me that it is normal to have doubts; I would take it one step farther and say that it is good to have doubts -- without them I don't get any participation from my head. All too often I lead with my heart, but as my dad also told me, the feeling of love comes and goes -- without my head I have no backup for my heart. So doubt away... what doesn't kill this thing with Eriko will make it stronger. ;P Oh yeah, today will be spent working.. laaammmmeee. =)
I will write. I am wondering about Eriko; but more in particular, I am wondering about me. Sometimes I wonder if I just have a Japanese fetish -- surely I have this image in my mind, built up through years of curiosity and mystique. What would possess me to ask a woman to marry me when we hardly know each other? Because I am in love with an image and a picture it was very easy to slide that mold around her. But I don't know who she is, I don't know what she is capable of. She knows nothing of me either. Yet she accepted my offer as willingly as I offered it; is she in love with an image for me too? Are we simply dolls in each oother's minds? I'm grateful for these thoughts and feelings, even if they are distracting -- I will know myself, come hell or high-water.
My room re-org is not complete, but I took apart my desk and fit all three of my monitors! Of course, only one is actually working at the moment but I see the future... and it is bright! ;P My last note from Eriko was that she was going to the agency to buy a plane ticket... that was several hours ago... talk about suspense! Time for some leisurly reading and the sack, while listening to the Commodores.
I had my final tonight. I did the best that I could, and now I will await my final grade. That is a big relief, it was a challenging class and combined with Isilon it was more work then I originally expected. In retrospect, however, I realize several ways in which I could have made the load easier on myself and I think I would have done a better job on both fronts... next time -- and yes, there will be a next time.. Eriko has talked of reserving/purchasing a ticket to Alaska lately... but every since that discussion she has been rather aloof; however, I don't feel bothered for some reason -- I've made it clear what I want and that is all I can do; if and when she steps up to the plate will be completely decided by her.
My boss told me that the schedule was a little agressive and he wished he had
been in on the decision making process sooner... in other words, "we had hoped
you could have done it in the time we suggested but it is understandable that
you did not." I have been given two more weeks. With my final today, I will
have no other distractions (besides the ones I invent) and I intend on making
this deadline.
It is a very beautiful day but too hot for my tastes. 90 degrees! I have had difficulty studying and probably should have gone to work where it is air conditioned. ;P Hopefully I'll hear back from the TA and meet with him soon to answer my questions.
ahhh. i have a really busy weekend ahead of me. in fact, i don't really see
much let up until next weekend. so tonight i am doing nothing. well. i am
compiling linux kernel version 2.5. of course. now that i don't have to do
homework on my computer i can destabilize it. hehe
I am officially behind schedule on my project -- and I hate being late! Maybe if I weren't so darn good at procrastinating...