I've spent the last 4 years at Isilon without being fully committed to doing
my best. With my decision to finally take the position seriously, I find myself
woefully inadequate. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself or perhaps my
expectations are too high, but I know that I'm not as technically saavy as my
peers, nor am I as socially saavy. Some of this may be due to lack of
experience or lack of competition - ironically, I reached a local maxima too
quickly and my rate of growth slowed tremendously. I got lazy, I took
shortcuts. The end result is that I'm weak.
The big question is, what am I going to do about it?
It seems like there is a point of life where you take stock and decide to
either get back in the running or let yourself go. I can't imagine doing the
latter (even though that's clearly the path I've been on) and am unsure if or
how I can do the former.
This isn't just a work thing - I'm physically out-of-shape, I'm mentally out-of-shape, and I'm probably emotionally out-of-shape as well.
I'm a horse that has been led to water. Will I drink?